In the words of...

Future...

I felt compelled to write to you Future.

I don’t know where you are, or if you even exist.

But Future here this...

I’m preparing myself for you.

I’ve been left kind of broken, and through the years of trying to piece ME back together,
the cracks still seem to be visible.

Can you look past them Future?

You see I’ve built up this wall; it’s so tall, so sturdy and it goes all the way around.

This moss infested security blanket is strong, and has been standing for some time now.

I mean, the cracks have left me quite fragile. I feel this wall is very necessary.

But behind the bricks, I long for you...Future.

I’ve had imposter’s abseil over my walls in attempts to capture the very thing I guard.

Only to be catapulted back over, leaving with a piece of me tucked away in their pocket.

Piece by piece, imposter after imposter, another piece, and then another.

Some have had the decency to throw my pieces back, isn’t that nice of them Future?

But check this...

Future, when my mind treats me with thoughts of you

This menacing smile stretches across my lips and rests there for a few seconds, the outer corners of my eyes turn up slightly and my pupils glisten.

The thought of loving you makes those butterflies in the pit of my stomach dance around to a fan fare, flapping glitter off their wings...

I want to love you so badly.

Enough to make my heart want to explode. Sending; warm, intense, electrifying sensations all over my body. Gracing my lions like a surge of energy finally released...

Like a climax of your every being.

Oh and another thing...

Future, can I hold you?

Can I serenade your insecurities with a supportive embrace, silent breaths and understanding eyes?

I’ll be that one lone cheerleader in your corner, pom-poms high cheering to your

achievements, box splitting to your success and twirling to your accomplishments.

AY FUTURE!!!!
if you could just be patient with me, I promise I’ll never leave you hungry; I plan to feed your body, your mind, even your ego. Dissatisfaction will not become of you, believe that!

Now I’ve rambled on about what I have to offer, I bet you’re wondering what I’d need from you.

I think I’ll save that for another letter. ;)

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Smoked choke unprovoked...

Inhale...

My lungs filled

All the stress, worries and fears

Taken in, keep it within

I... hold it...hold it...

Wide eyed, slanted... into slits

Nothing is clear, I'm so unaware

My soul no longer here
a foggy stare to what appears

So I, hold it...hold it...

Inhale...

Again...
chest getting tight

I don't care, overcapacity isn’t rare

I can take it all, in... *cough*

I need to hold it...hold it

Smoke filled eyes, blurred vision

Nothing seen

Beyond the smoke screen

Of worries, stress and fears

Substance unclear, invading my air

Must...hold it...hold it...

I...can’t...hold it...I must...

...Release

Stress evaporated

Worries dissolved

Fears blown

Eyes closed

Lungs deflate

Thoughts escape...

Exhale.

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So close...

I want to be so close

So close that our breathing becomes one breath, like 2 dancers waltzing in triple metre.

1, 2, 3...2, 2, 3...3, 2, 3.

So close that my thoughts sink into your thoughts, your thoughts enlace into mine. A conversation of beautiful minds; the reality of a blissful silence engulfs us and takes us into a realm where no words are ever necessary.

I want to be so close

So close that when our lips touch I taste your emotions. The bitterness of your anger, the sweetness of your love, mmmm the sourness of your wit, licking the corners of my lips your hands rested on my hips thrusting myself forward savouring the flavours, wasting...absolutely nothing!

I want to be so close

So close that you fit inside me so perfectly, like a locked key, our bodies uniformed in a horizontal dance to a rhythm blessed by our elders and birthed from the soil of where our bloodline drips...and yesss those lips; those branded kisses that leaves traces of every intellectual word spoken that have sent me into a frenzy of “damn he’s sexy” and “ooo I want him”.

I crave...

I need...

....to be

So close.

So close that our skins become one complexion, my heart beat syncs with yours & my every breath exhales your name.

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THE AFFAIR

Every day after work you come home to HER
And she gets hours upon hours of your time
Then you come back to me when you’re tired
And you shamelessly think that’s fine
You touch her more than you do me
And yet you say you love me more
I was in disbelief by the way you treated her
As I watched the two of you from the door
She enjoyed how you controlled her every move
As you held her ever so close
With every piece of me breaking away
For it was her over me you chose
What does SHE have that I don't?
That makes you feel “all warm inside”
You felt the need to declare to me
This affair you refuse to hide
Why is she getting all your attention?
When I was clearly here first
I even over heard you call her “baby”
Do you know how much that hurt?
You place her high on a pedestal
Taking care of her every need
When I’m trying to be all I can for you
But yet you just don’t seem to see
Now with every day you’re slipping away
No longer the man I once knew
I’ve tried all I can and have run out of options
I just don’t know what to do
Maybe it would be best if I go ahead and leave
I doubt that you would miss me
Cos I’ve come to realise
I can’t compete
With your damn XBOX 360!

© Copyright 15 June 2009 Lola Adebayo. All Rights Reserved.

[ Read More ]

Husband/Hubby

How do you want it?

Up, down, sideways, front ways
Top, bottom, back, front, upside-down, right way-up
Anyway u want
I'll even bend over backwards
for you.....deserve all of me
Inside, outside, good side, bad side, left side, right side even on the flip side
I'll be all that and more
for you.....know I'm your
lover, friend, partner, supporter, cook, maid, strength, comfort, companion, trophy, the bonnie 2 your Clyde, your ride or die,
rah I’m even one of the mandem
when no one wants to play pro
with you.... love and accepted every part of me
The sweet me, bitchy me, sexy me, jealous me, caring me, sharing me,
moody me, annoying me,
the-get-out-my-face-I-can't-stand-your-mug-right-now me
Who else would put up with it, but you...
...and I'm willing to be here through the
highs, lows, Up's, downs, successes, failures, thick, thins
Through sickness and health, till death do us part
However a broken heart
Will make me cut you...

and u don’t want that :o)

© Copyright 22nd March 2009 Lola Adebayo. All Rights Reserved.

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Eyes Dont Lie

Eyes don’t fail me now
The windows to my soul
But yet some how
I just don’t know

If at all possible, turn into an x-ray
Vision, the purpose to see within
The person standing before me
For my brain has already prejudged
The left eye has glanced over the physical
And is...in love

This same eye is sending signals
To my brain, telling me to “go for it!”
For there is no time to waste
But the right eye needs to intervene now
Before it’s too late

Now my right eye begins to glance
Into a trance taking in every emotion, tone and being
Please don’t deceive my brain to what it thinks its seeing

Right eye squints, analysing the movement
Of the person standing before me
This same eye is sending signals
To my brain telling me to “worry”

Eyes don’t fail me now
The windows to my soul
But yet some how
I just don’t know

A sultry look of confusion
Left eye and right eye oppose each other
Battering lashes, my brain is confused
Thank God for the ‘peace maker’

The heart intrudes.

© Copyright 7th March 2009 Lola Adebayo. All Rights Reserved.

[ Read More ]

Future...

Smoked choke unprovoked...

So close...

THE AFFAIR

Husband/Hubby

Eyes Dont Lie

My Best Friends